Seeing You Again

Seeing you again breaks me open. All the emotions I held back from within

 Seeing you again
breaks me open.
All the emotions
I held back from within
 
I hold them back still
until the moment I close the door
to my lonely apartment
and then I let it come and it pours.
 
I hate you.
But I adore you.
I still want you.
But I can’t have you.
 
I still see us sometimes
in fantasies where nothing went wrong.
Where two strong, hot-headed people
could actually be happy and become one.
 
But then I see her and all these other people
with you
and all at once together
in my head too.
 
And I can’t stop thinking
again
how much I really hate you.